I don't know..

"What?"

A random text that said "what?"

as if you just texted that to get my attention? Im not sure.. I was confused
but happy at the same time that you texted me. It sucks that this has happened to us.
In a way I still have hope that one day you will be mine again.. Be better than we have ever been. 
I always think so highly of you, when I know I am never on your mind..
Lately it has been really hard to fight the urge of killing myself everyday, it gets hard to put that blade down and not cut the pain from my heart away. I feel as if there is so much wrong with me for feeling this way but I see so many others going through this. I just don't get why it is so hard for me to let go? 5 months since we have broken up.. I still cry myself to sleep and find myself randomly texting you. Was this meant to happen? Were we really not for one another? How though? How could we be so amazing for each other and it all slip away so fast? Like none of it meant anything to you? 
Was I really that bad of a girlfriend. I blame everything on myself, if I could have just acted right everything would be so much better.
I took you for granted and didn't care to realize what I was doing until I lost you for good.
As I lay here typing not knowing if I even make any sense but it feels good to let out..
Im thinking of you so much as I listen to your favorite Country songs on your pandora.
Wanting to text you just to tell you iloveyou and always will...
But I know you won't care nor respond. It's okay
Iloveyou like crazy.

Im slowly killing myself...

-confused-suffering

Comments

  1. I think you need to get rid of everything that has to do with him. You're only feeding the pain... delete his number, stop listening to these songs... I know it hurts, but I promise doing this is making it harder to move on.

    People do go through this, yes, but people turn to cutting because they don't think there is a better way.

    But there is. I believe in, not just you but others, who are suffering emotionally/mentally, that we can develop self love and acceptance. That we can learn to be good enough for our *SELVES*. That everything DOES get better if you TRY and if you ALLOW it. I know you hate hearing that, but I know this from experience.

    Self love, self love, self love. You can vent about the pain, but don't feed it.

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Always here