I changed myself too much for someone who did not love me enough..
Trying to think back onto when I was happy, when i was 100% myself again..
But i cant seem to remember any of it. why?
I broke apart so bad that i lost all recognition of who i once was, before all of this damage happened.
You're probably thinking " its just a breakup, get over it" but honestly it was so much more than that.
It was my fault for relying all my happiness onto one human. I fell into that love where he was the reason i looked forward to waking up and going about my day. I lost track of who i am to where i didnt care about myself anymore. I cared about him and put him before myself. That is where i went wrong, i think? But why did i not appreciate him? was it because after the first time he had broke my heart that my trust for him went down hill and i used every strength i had in me to do my best to trust him again? Telling myself everyday " you can trust him, kyliah you can he isnt doing anything wrong.. he loves you" but each time something would happen all over again making it harder to trust.
Am i dumb for giving chances after chances? Yeah i guess, but what if he had changed. I took that chance in hopes he would. I still would, one day i won't.
Everyday i think about him and his new girl. How she makes him happier than i ever did.
But then i try to tell myself "he's going to look for me in her and realize she isn't for him"
well at least thats the hope i have.. then again i want him happy so happy that he will never be sad about anything and never have to worry about a thing in the world. Am i crazy for thinking that?
I feel crazy that i constantly talk/write about him. He probably doesn't even know. He has me blocked on everything now.. it's okay.
I know one day i will find myself all over again, in hopes to never ever lose myself again.
Im not very good at telling people how i feel. Im better at typing it out.
Lately i feel that without him there is no me. Im wrong though.
I can picture happiness in my dreams as i sleep; but when i do.. He seems to pop up in that dream.
Could we possibly cross paths again? Or am i stuck in this fairy tale dream.. who knows.
Probably making no sense now but i can proudly say, i feel better after typing this out.
Heres a quote i found on tumblr today
"I am still learning how to hold my own hand."
think about it,